Amino Ass-Head 2/2/08

I live on the Gulf Coast of Florida where we have two seasons: HOT and not-so-hot. The former has been aptly noted as "hotter than two rats fuckin' in a wool sock" and upon first hearing this colloquial expression, I laughed for about 5 days straight. Despite the fact that I've lived in Detroit, New York City, and Washington D.C., I've yet to see two rats knocking boots in any capacity.

Once HOT kicks in, you can't forget to put "car sunglasses" on over your dash especially if you have a black interior. I, of course, learned that fact the hard way as I drive a manual (yep I'm cool like that). I don't believe in the existence of any kind of devil, but grabbing a sun scorched gearshift would, I imagine, be akin to manhandling Satan's junk. Youch! Live and learn.

When the transition of our two seasons occurs, allergens are flying high and I get all sneezy, real charming I know. I tried the otc allergy meds but I'm super sensitive to any kind of medicine, even the children's dosage. It's like opposite world for me with that shit, "non-drowsy" instantly drops me but the stuff that usually knocks people out has me bouncing off the walls and makes my heart a bit wonky so I often explore the alternative medicines/vitamins.

L-Arginine really alleviates my allergy symptoms, it helps a myriad of things; stroke, heart stuff, circulation, AND sexual dysfunction. Yeah man, if you can't jump your pump, this is sort of the Viagra au naturelle and it works on chicks too!

I was unaware of this fact when I first took it 'til I found myself all mouth agape at the Publix bag boy when he asked if I needed help taking my ONE bag of groceries to my car. I was seeing with the "drunk's-eye" view you get when feeling overly friendly on cocktails, but I was completely sober. I'm not a mouth breather so I knew something was amiss. I reeled my jaw in off the floor and bolted home to read up on this amino acid further. I've since pulled back on the dosage but do find myself thinking "How you doin?" more often than I used to.

Probably what it's usually like to be a guy ay?

Currently listening : An End Has a Start By Editors Release date: 17 July, 2007

80 MPH Here Instead of There 2/8/08

I saw Batman and Catwoman making out an hour ago while Corey Hart yelled at me all the way from 1985.

Perfection bumped into me and I never saw it coming. It kept it's distance because I'm highly allergic but if prompted, I could sketch every detail on even the most undeserving canvas.

My eyes are still fighting with my brain on a daily basis and nobody wins. A great haircut centered atop the perfect sentence could make an attempt at brokering peace, if I believed such a thing existed.

Someone pinched my drink that contained any hopes of such a belief. The same elixir that hijacks my inhibitions also hoists an inpenetrable wall at a later date, yet to be determined.

Everyone else seemed to be so ecstactic but all I could think of was that MIA was ripping off The Clash and Linkin Park apparently have assumed that U2 never wrote "With or Without You".

This whole Goldilocks thing isn't working out for me in a disco setting. The food's the same but from different galaxies and I always feel like I arrived too early or too late.

Invisible or so unique that no one can see it? OR so common that nobody cares?

Currently listening : We Are Pilots By Shiny Toy Guns Release date: 17 October, 2006

Infantus Scream-A-Saurus 2/5/08

Why is it that everytime I go into a store there is an inconsolable screaming child?

Everyone around me was like "Geeze what's with that kid?" with slight concern eminating from their curiousity, whereas my immediate thought was "I've got condoms somewhere right? Oooh are those too old by now?"

The Infantus Scream-A-Saurus seemed to be powerlocked within my earshot no matter where I went in the store.
Mind you, I was already irritable because I couldn't find any chocolate that didn't contain milk and I was mentally sending out a big "FUCK U" to potato chip manufacturers for putting wheat in "Salt N Vinegar" chips. WHY???? WHYYYYYYY???? 2 more months of this no dairy, no grain/gluten thing may be the end of me yet!

All I needed at this point was some gum snapping bitch behind me in line at the register yapping at full volume on her phone about stuff that'd make anyone's ears eject copious amounts of spurt-quality blood.....

SHE arrived like it was part of some sick plan. The Yowling Gum Snap-A-Saurus. Where was Scot Blakely when I needed him most?

10 deep breaths subjugated the urge to stab her and luckily my cashier zipped me through free of complications that might involve "management".

One should never shop when they're hungry.

Currently listening : London Calling By The Clash Release date: 25 January, 2000

Fake Plast Politics 1/29/08

I used to care about politics but now ambivalence has saturated my views to the point that I'd rather witness my own autopsy than even think about the presidential race this year.

Once in a while I call up my old aunt on my dad's side, which is Ojibwe, as we have two governments to yak about (American and American Indian). Our tribal shit is just as corrupt as the regular American government only on a smaller scale.

Anyways, I once asked her "Can you imagine actually really liking our president? Can you imagine ever having someone in office that you really back and believe in and you can't wait to hear them speak? Can you imagine trusting and respecting the elected officials in any capacity?" She was laughing so hard that she couldn't even gasp the air needed to negate the query posed to her.

Mistrust in those who sit in or run for office is just expected now. We can't imagine it any other way, nor do we even bother to try it seems.

I can't say I look at any of the candidates and feel anything. I'm an independent voter but I registered as a Democrat when I moved to Florida so that I could have my say in who facilitates the next train wreck '08.

Whoever takes the nod for the Dems is going to lose to either Mit "Magic Underpants" Romney, McCain (who is old and will die in office if elected), or Rudy "911" G. As a former New Yorker I can honestly say that before 911, everyone HATED Rudy that lived there. Any putz in office would've done what he did in 2001 so if people vote based on the fact that his bad comb-over just happened to be at the right place at the right time, eh I can't even get my hackles up enough to finish that sentence.

Today when I go to the precinct to play virtual voting (by the way my tribe purchased electronic voting machines in '03 and within two days found 10 different ways to hack into them. We went straight back to paper before you could say "Ohio"), I guess it's down to 3 candidates.

I feel nothing for Clinton. As a female, part of me wants to go there for a lark but alas I can't bring it for her. Edwards should've been the candidate last time, but now his star is too dim to be taken seriously and he has the charisma of a run-on sentence.

Obama.

It would be great PR for the U.S. if he's elected because of his name alone, but because of his name, he can't possibly get elected - voters are that superficial and paranoid of anything remotely close to sounding like "Osama" as you well know.

I respect the guy and when he speaks, my skin doesn't crawl. Experience? Fuck it! That monkey in office now is about as capable as Kid Rock (Sorry Kid) so that isn't an issue in my line of thinking. Obama's too idealistic to get anything done, more than likely, but I'm idealistic too.

Ron Paul should run as an independent, but that will still ensure the Republicans get the catbird seat again so it's frivolous to even muse over.

At this point we are all going through the motions without any real hopes or expectations so it's easy to see why people don't even bother with this vapid process to begin with.

Currently listening : Goo By Sonic Youth Release date: 15 June, 1990

Jet Lag Gemini 1/14/08

There was less than nothing to do tonight soooooo click click click...Creative Loafing. I swear I heard a tumbleweed go by when the page came up.

Live music please, no cover bands....anyone????

Sundays are just not the day for music in this area being that most of the people below the Mason Dixon line are more prone to being plopped in front of what they refer to as "The Game"...unless of course there was some sort of Monster Truck Rally or Nascar event going on.

This could not thwart my plans, there had to be people that don't watch "The Game" right? (Nothing against the humans that do, just not my thing).

I saw that three bands were playing at the Orpheum in Ybor City (that's where all the clubs are in Tampa for those of you not familiar with the area): Jetlag Gemini, Lady Radiator, and Red Light Green Light respectively.

Never heard of 'em, so on to Myspace for a quick sample.

The bands seemed allright. They all had lots of hair to flail around onstage so if they sucked live, at least there would be that. All ages show - doors at 7? Nahhhh really? Well we (me and my friend Angel) didn't arrive til 9 and yikes, they were actually serious about the 7 o'clocky clock thingy.

We caught the last song from Red Light Green Light, a band from Jersey.

They sort of came across like some young Rabbis aspiring to be Linkin Park, some serious beardage going on there but great energy and very, very tight.

I can't imagine it was easy to be that energetic when the crowd consisted of 6 people plus members of the other bands playing.

Frankly, I was shocked there weren't more people (at least 7 geeze). These bands are on indie labels, and yeah I had never heard of 'em but shit does being signed mean anything anymore?

At least they were loud enough to drown out the sound of yet another tumbleweed bumping through. That's always a plus.

Jet Lag Gemini was next and unbeknownst to us, last. Gemini is my opposite sign, but I will forgive them - haha my friend Tom is a Gemini so some of them don't suck - really, it's true.

JLG remind me a bit of this band Prime Stk from Sweden that I like. Sort of this poppy sound with obvious "hard rock" subtleties. The guitarist clearly has his eye on becoming the next "Slash", but lucky for him he looks a thosand times better.

JLG are in their early 20s and they look it, but play like pros, I swear the guitarist threw his Les Paul in the air and it was still playing a riff on it's own, like he was willing it to or something. I won't lie and say this band is typical of what I buy, but it was great to see a band with a guitarist that can really fuckin' play.

Remember when "guitar hero" actually meant someone that could play a real guitar so intensely that your teeth were dancing in your mouth against their will? Well someone clued this kid in on that, he knows where the nuances go. He's a little too high end (like Slash) for my preference (John Squire and of course JIMI HENDRIX), nonetheless, he rocked the house and the meager few in it.

They don't look like a Jersey band, in fact I think 2 of em are from the Czech Republic and the singer is from Russia, but no accents Slavic or otherwise. The drummer is all American Italian and just the sweetest guy totally working that mini fro of his.

They were spot on and full of infectious vigor. Even if you hated them, you'd like them if that makes any sense. The sound man was a little lost but they persevered through 6, yes I kid you not, 6 songs. Dang, I remember getting pissed on if we didn't play more than 10 songs and these guys thought that was all she wrote, shoulder shrug included.

At their "merch" table were tip jars. Wow times have changed. I didn't see one for JLG but the bass player pointed to his pocket so I went the way of those that frequent Mons Venus (scary strip club in Tampa that has been there since before women could vote is my guess) and stuffed the dollar near where his future children may spring forth someday. In return I was given a black rubbery thingy that looks like some much needed item that fell off my car but is, in fact, a bracelet with the band's name on it. I'll keep it in my celica- just in case.

The oh so groovy bass player introduced us to the drummer and he told me they were from Mahwah, New Jersey. We mostly just yakked about other drummers. He mentioned Mitch Mitchell, which just does my heart proud, and it was no surprise as his kit was set up in a similar fashion, as was his hair, god love him! (Oh wait, agnostics can't say that can they?)

All in all I really liked the band live, the singer is great and they do some cheesey Jersey stuff that will crack any seasoned musician up, but you will laugh with respect.

As we dragged our feet towards the exit (it was only 10:15 and apparently all ages shows have to be done by 11pm because of some curfew), the guy at the door mournfully asked how we had heard about the show in a manner befitting a funeral director.

I shoved all of my 94 pounds at the door and chuckled "Does it really matter man?"

The door clanged behind us and a gust of wind presented us with the last tumbleweed, oh wait no it was some drunk chick who wanted to know if we could spare some change.

Ahhhhh Tampa.......