Cause and Affection

“I go crazy wondering what there is to really see
Did the night just take up your time, cause it means more to me
Sometimes I forget what I'm doing, I don't forget what I want,what I want
Regret what I've done, regret you? I couldn't go on” Kiss On My List – Hall & Oates

This year I met someone cool. I could be myself completely with him and he entertained ME just as much as I captivated him. He was so awesome that when I was with him, it made me forget. Yep, forget. I forgot about the mean people, the collateral damage done to me, the romantic injuries culminated over the last few years.

All was peachy until he kissed me. It was almost like he had a vendetta against this sensual act. It was soul-less and harsh; something akin to a disdainful, drive-by, flesh stab. I’ve had more passion from the gay dudes I’ve made out with. This guy wasn’t gay, at least his hands were proclaiming the opposite as they invaded me with vigor, but he wasn’t a kisser.

I asked what the deal was and he just looked puzzled. He had never thought about it, but upon reflection, he didn’t like to kiss anyone at all. It just wasn’t his thing.

I became uncomfortably numb. Here was a discovery I never expected to make. I can’t fathom anything sexual without kissing. It’s the gateway, the decision maker if you will, for most women as to whether NAKED happens later or not.

Not. Probably a good thing too as this would’ve had to be a long distance thing, and had he been 100% awesome, I’d be pining away until the next time we saw each other. I’m a kisser. Nothing provides more delight to me than a sweet, smooth, lip massage. =(

I met someone else that was ok - very cute, but too young. I wish I could be crazy about the ones that are crazy about me, dang. Against my better judgment, we hung out for a while, but he made me remember.

Yep, all the shit came flooding back to make rounds in my brain. The longings for what I can’t have (and shouldn’t want anyways), that trapped feeling of someone who likes you too much too fast, and the familiar need to bolt before I hurt them. I love the affection, and it’s been since like February that I’ve had it so genuine but it’s not right, or right enough it seems.

He can’t make me forget, and that’s what I want.

Kissyface

“Kiss me, flick your cigarette and then kiss me
Kiss me where your eye won't meet me
Meet me where your mind won't kiss me”
No You Girls Never Know - Franz Ferdinand

One of my guy friends asked me if women really consider the first kiss with a dude the deciding factor on whether we do the bedroom boogie with them or not. Sometimes it is, I mean, if it’s really horrible. If not, well one never knows.

When I was younger I had higher expectations of oral chemistry and if you had to show anyone anything, well it just didn’t feel right. Now that I’m a thousand years old I’m more patient and try to find the better in people if I do like them and work with them.

I was making out with this guy that was just awful, but he was really hot, smart, fun, and he knew who Peter Hook was. I tried to guide him and he lamely excused that he had a small tongue and was hopelessly resigned to that fact. It’s one thing to not know what to do, but to be unwilling to learn how to please your partner or to better yourself is just unacceptable. When it comes to tongues, uh size doesn’t matter unless it’s the equivalent of some creepy snake tongue - yeesh.

Now you’re thinking “Who the fuck are you and what makes you the kissing expert?” Well I can honestly say it’s one thing I’m good at - the rest not so much, but I’ve only heard the highest of compliments on my lip wielding capabilities. Yeah I’m tooting my own horn here, but my talent runs thin with everything else so I’m going to run with it.

If I could shove my tongue in between someone else’s dental work everyday, I’d be overjoyed. I really love kissing. I love it when it’s cold out and the small warmth of a kiss has ten times the fire. I also like to slip an ice cube from my lips through someone else’s. I like to gently but quickly suck their tongue all the way into my mouth in a sort of surprise maneuver, letting the other party know this is going further…soon.

I like kissing bejeweled lips. Piercings are lovely. The German had lip and tongue piercings going for him, but also that "take charge" desire sans any games made that experience the best in ages.

I like being kissed everywhere (well not the eyeball - yep in high school this guy licked my right eye, almost pulled my contact out) but especially the neck - that is definitely my “on” button.

I don’t recall the last time anyone else’s kiss made me shudder in my shoes, but I have the shoes picked out, so I’m ready.