Honest Cheat?

“I don’t wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
No matter how it ends
No matter how it starts” House of Cards - Radiohead


I’ve never cheated on anyone I was seeing, but I have kissed some dudes that were in relationships with others, and I think the last guy I was with had a girlfriend. I can’t be sure but I do know when I was taking a grand tour of him with my tongue he said something to the effect of “I’m not used to being with someone that’s not my girlfriend”. This could’ve been taken a few different ways but I’m sensitive and completely shut down when there is even the slightest mention of another girl if I’m next to you naked.

My ego bruises easily and I refuse to hide that fact, but I think I do stupid things because I don’t know how to be when it does happen. I would’ve also have preferred to know beforehand that the cheater was cheating with me. Not even for the guilt factor, but self preservation. Knife wielding girlfriends are not worth a little slip n’ slide with just anyone, and I also don’t want to get too cozy with someone I can’t be with again. That’s just how I’m built.

Guilt can factor in depending on the specs of the situation. For one, if both members of the couple in question are under 25 and the guy is just someone I’m physically into but not boyfriend material, I’m ok as long as I’m well schooled on the truth up front. 90% of all couples getting together before the age of 25 break up when the guy hits that mark or 29. If either of them are over 25 or I know the other party, I’m not willing to consider any sort of arrangement.

I don’t know if I would actually do it, but because I’m so geographically challenged and don’t really meet guys I dig mentally, I can’t say I wouldn’t. I hate going months or years (yes have done that) without affection. It’s horrible, but I also own that it’s my fault that I’m picky and don’t know how to deal with what this area has to offer. Anything penis related that my eyes can be talked into has a built in lying mechanism that doesn’t have an “off” switch. Not the typical lying shit (women, drugs, etc.), they lie about everything. It’s near to the point of comical, but loses it’s novelty when you realize it’s a local phenomenon. I’ve only lived in Michigan, DC, and NYC besides here, but never have I witnessed the scale of lies that epically emerge from this locale.

The inherent dishonest factor seems like it would prevent the cheater from giving me the proper low down so it’s almost crazy for me to think this would ever occur. The honest cheat? Can you imagine an admitted liar? I think I would sort of like someone that told me they honestly lie all the time, well at least for ten minutes.

I don’t cheat, but I lie when I’ve been served one first. I never miss when I hit one back either.

Vicious Traditions June 12, 2008

"I'm honest about my lying." Me (in an email I wrote the other day)

Everybody lies, and you'd be lying to yourself if you're thinking that you don't. EVERYBODY LIES!

We all have lied when asked "How ya doin?" We aren't ALWAYS fine, but we know that not everyone needs to hear about our she cramps or jock itch (if you've ever had both of these simultaneously, I so want to hear that story). Harmless lies, but lies nonetheless.

People have always lied to protect others, but usually themselves. Most lies are told for personal gain, and some assholes just lie for no apparent reason. These idiots keep lying even when they're caught, and no they aren't minors, just stunted and damaged grown people. "Adult" physically, but mentally the jury is still out.

I really struggled with this last year when I was unabashedly lied to for reasons unbeknownst to me and really I just couldn't get my brain around it. I've never seen lying as rampant as I do here in Florida, maybe it's the humidity, but my guess is that lying is their favorite past time here. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they had a museum devoted to it someday. They could have an exhibit showing the evolution of lying and how the advent of certain jobs and means of communication have affected how one lies in today's society.

There could be men's, women's, and unisex parts of the exhibit as certain types of lies from jealous bitches differ than the lies put forth to get them into bed and then out the door ASAP.

I know both sexes lie equally, but as a child, I always found men with facial hair dishonest and creepy, like the hair was hiding something. All the serial killers except Bundy had it. Now I think its guys that wear hats all the time that are the ones to watch. Especially in 90 degree weather at night. I met two mean liars in a row with this particular habit. The second one almost lied his way back into my life a few months back (my hopes are that one day his hat swallows his head and then engulfs the rest of his lying ass), but Scorpios always have a way of getting past my radar (note to self: find out how to recalibrate radar).

Overly friendly super, super, nice women - all huge liars. They lie because they are trying to please everyone and that's impossible. Pissy people like me will shoot straight from the hip most of the time, but once I'm lied to, I give back ten fold. I hate lying but feel it's my karmic duty to give as good as I get, especially when I didn't do anything to deserve such treatment.

I didn't have trouble getting over the people that lied, I had trouble with the fact that it made me teeter on the edge of losing my faith in humanity altogether. When you're lied to, the underlying message is that you don't deserve any respect and it's assumed that you're stupid. Not fun - humiliating, actually, but the liars don't apologize, they don't care - till it happens to them, then the fucking world stops.

One day the big, mean, liars will lie to the person who is one pill away from a loaded weapon - you never know if you're the LAST STRAW for someone do ya? What may seem like a small little lie that gets you out of an uncomfy situation may be the last jerk needed to pull the pin on the right/wrong grenade.

I've met (but am not friends with) some seriously dangerous liars with harmful STD's, that do not clue in the people they get "friendly" with. I've also been acquainted with people that died from AIDS they got from the cheating spouses who outlived them. Everybody lies, but they do have a choice not to.

After a string of blatant liars I met some awesome people that brought me back from the edge. Scott from Ireland was one of my favorites. Held my hand everywhere we went for the short time he was visiting. Even if he lived here (or me there) though, it couldn't work. He was straight up about wanting a minimum of FIVE kids and he was totally into the Catholic thing. I'm so not. It's easy to be honest when you are just visiting, nothing to lose maybe?

I met one guy (also not from FL) who was very up front with me about how he wants and likes to be a total manwhore and is not into the boyfriend thing at all. This guy does not lie about anything (some think he should, but not me) and I respect the hell out of him. Some people aren't that self aware but that poses the question, why will they bother getting to know you if they don't even know themselves?

I want someone to play Scrabble with, to dance with me, to listen to music with, hit a few concerts maybe, someone to discuss with me whether the color orange or the fruit called "orange" came first.

Simple things really, but why does it seem like you have to swim through saturations of complexities to get to them?

Because… (say it with me now) everybody lies.

(Can I get an A-MEN up in here? No? A B-MEN? No, there's already enough C-MEN! oh no I di n't!)

ps. I hope not everyone from FL is a fuckhead, by all means, prove me wrong =]


Currently listening :
The Runaway Found
By The Veils
Release date: 2005-01-25