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"Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling." Fearless - Pink Floyd
When people ask me what my greatest fear is, I almost always reply "My greatest fear is someone else finding out what my greatest fear is."
FEAR is the real "F" word.
It's not a very tasty trait, fearfulness, and I think it's why a lot of people don't like cats as cats are about a 9 on the skittish scale on a relaxed day. I'm fluent in Skittish so I like cats, but I can't stand how small dogs are scared of everything (especially of losing their crotch, you ever notice how they check between their legs every five minutes to make sure no one stole it?); I prefer big dogs.
People LOVE fear. We are so intimate with fear, we crave it. We like to be scared. Some of us get off on it. Some of us do stupid shit just so we can feel even more fear.
Some of us know that FEAR is a tool, and we use it to lord over someone else. Instilling it gives you power and control over someone or some many.
We all can smell fear on someone else, and some of us can't resist the urge to attack the source of the fear, it's our nature. Some of us do rise above it and reach for compassion instead, but it's a meager few.
The fears I've heard discussed during this election season are far scarier than anything Halloween related or horror film worthy. I don't mind if people discuss what they like about who they support, but when the fear and negativity appear, drag city.
It's made some otherwise attractive people very unappealing. Fear is impressionable, but it's ugly. I think if you're fearful, you attract things in your life to be fearful about.
Like having a tracker on my Myspace was out of fear, because I got messed with by some whackos (mostly of the jealous female kind - jealousy springs from FEAR), and having the damn thing got me into all kinds of trouble. The paranoia cost me a friend or two. FEAR attracts some bad Juju, so I removed the tracker and put my space back to public. Whatever happens, I'm confident I can handle it. What I don't know won't bother me.
I've always feared lies and lying, and I'm trying to get over it because I think there are some things you should lie about depending on where you live. If you live in the United States, for instance, you should definitely lie if you are agnostic or an atheist. You're life will just be easier if you do. Even Oprah looks down on "unbelievers", and you can never run for office if you don't claim Christianity (lip service goes a long way when fear is paying for the tickets).
It feels unnatural, like I would imagine a gay person trying to be hetero would feel, but I wish I had stayed in the closet. I'm not outspoken but some of my family hates me for it, and my half brother tried to kill me once a few Christmas's ago. I wonder if Jesus was impressed by his multi-tasking talent of being able to strangle me, bash my head into the wall, and repeatedly scream "Atheist" all at the same time. Somehow I just can't picture the bearded one giving a thumbs up to that way of celebrating his bday (all of my besties are Christians and they don't ever party that way).
Fear is hideous, but it's the devil we know.
I think fear will win, but I'm not afraid to be wrong about that.
Currently listening :
Meddle
By Pink Floyd
Ok, I'm up for anything most days, and today I read this blog http://chancingmyarm.blogspot.com/2008/09/ive-overdone-it-wee-bit-inrecent-times.html, which led me to this blog http://oyebilly.wordpress.com/2008/09/09/cleopatra-i-aint/ . So here is my contribution to the "bath of milk" photo chain. I used an organic carton of milk to scrub my pits in the tub. Glamorous and ecosmart...um, yeah. I threw in the second choice too, as you can't have a milk bath without a cat slinking around. I physically censored this by strategically placing myself in front of Scoob's naked body. My cat is a nudist, a freethinker, and he's a double major in mathematics and architecture. His favorite band is Radiohead and he's writing his thesis on the binary codes found within their songs. He smells good too.
According to Myspace, Jesus Christ has a crush on me. Would someone please tell him I'm not into guys with beards? (Unless they're named Brian Thomas and went to NYU film school. The one that got away - he made me laugh. A lot.) And that shroud thingy; a little high waisted don't you think? They do make low rise shrouds these days, geeeeeeze Jesus, get with it!
Can you imagine dating Jesus Christ? Holy shit (literally), you'd never win a fight cuz he'd be all martyring and victimy, and he'd get blood on everything with those stigmatas. Who's gonna clean that shit up? Pas Moi! I can tell you right now that I would be talking through clenched teeth all the time about the differences in musical taste. I hates Christian rock (yes "hates", as in Yosemite Sam types of hatin'), and just the very thought of it makes me do the backwards hiss thing one does when one witnesses an epic fingernail break (the kind that involves the bending back first, then the rip to the nail bed, blood, and an endless run of expletives).
You notice that most Christian rock is Metal? I wonder if that's why beards and long hair are so prevalent in that world. I also wonder if Jesus' stig's count as the first body piercing, and is that what awaits us in the near fashionable future? Stig piercing?
Regardless, I think it's tacky of Jesus to be taking out ads on Myspace, claiming his love for me, when we haven't even kissed. Too smothering for my taste.
Myspace is insane. They try to customize the ads from your profile info, as you can see in the "sponsored links" below your inbox message area. Apparently, being single and agnostic has generated the computer to digitally insult my intelligence. I don't need any suggestions when it comes to shopping for beliefs, thanks so much, I can pick em out all by my lonesome.
In my "Who You'd Like to Meet" section, I put a "Giant Panda", so I get bombarded with ads for Panda singles chat groups, Panda anti-virus programs, and "Panda Ringtones". I haven't a clue what a Panda sounds like, but I'm reasonably sure it wouldn't suit my cellular needs.
Were I to have a proclivity for "Barely Legal Rocker Boys" and put that instead of "Panda", I wonder what the computer would surmise of that? Would I be showered with invitations to join NAMBLA? (Or NAWBLA since I'm a chick…is there? Oh wait no I think that's some sort of Teacher's association.)
I've seen worse on other sites, particularly one where I googled advice on my slightly underweight cat. I was deeply concerned for my furry snookiecookie-puss and the site popped up "dying cat ringtones". WTF? Is there a market for such a thing? I don't even want to participate in gaining the insight on that one. Right below it was some sort of feedback you could fill in for the "ad", if you can call it that. Oh yeah, I filled it out. My cat told me what to put, and it's much too controversial to repeat here. Suffice it to say, we got our point across.
I'd be curious to know if the people that are marked as "in a relationship" or "married" get a different barrage of ads. Well, maybe I wouldn't. =)
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Some of you may think that this post ensures my ticket to Hell.
What makes you think we aren't already there?
Currently listening :
Nine in the Afternoon
Release date: 2008-06-17
