Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My Musical Brain

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of silence
Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel

One of my jobs back in NYC was at an advertising/PR firm that had the privilege of doing some work with Dr. Oliver Sacks. I was lucky enough to get to chit chat with him when he was on hold for my boss on a few occasions. The first time he called I was blown away as I had read his infamous book “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat”, and had seen the movie “Awakenings” which is based on another one of his works and of course, his life.

I’m not sure if he’s considered a Neuro-Psychiatrist or a Neurologist and Psychiatrist separately, but I am sure he is an author and he does awesome documentaries. Super grooooovy dude and this week starting tonight on PBS, he’s on a Nova special called “My Musical Brain”. It’s “an investigative look into the extraordinary impact that music can have on the human brain”.

PBS is different everywhere, but if you are a Tampa person it’s on ours July 1 @ 2am, July 2nd at 5am, and July 5 @ 7pm. Set your DVRS! He’s always interesting.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Hey you, still silence in the eyes of the idols
Did we believe that you could know?
Hey you, doing everything you can just to blend in
But what was there to show?
Can’t Believe a Single Word - VHS or Beta

My last post was about the fakers, whom I’m much better at spotting each year I take on. I try not to be fake, but I believe once someone tosses some phony my way, I’m contractually obligated to return the serve. I do dabble in “fake” out of boredom though.

When living in NYC, most of the parties I showed up at were attended by artsies only. EVERYONE was a musician, writer, actor, director, photog, painter, etc. so when asked what I did, I started making up shit. My favorite occupation to feign was Herpetologist. That always turned a few heads and garnered some “wows“. Usually someone would be like “A Herpetologist? I would never have guessed, wait, what IS a Herpetologist?” Not one person EVER knew what it was, yet they were always shocked that I could be one.

At the time I was temping at The Discovery Channel, so it was really easy to go on about working there doing research for shows like “The Crocodile Hunter”, and I would BS about grants I had obtained to start giving the Florida Alligator back its rightful land from humans. I said some far fetched shit until someone I really knew joined the chat and I would then have to fess up that I was just fucking with everyone. I always revealed the truth before parting ways; nobody took it personally and I bet to this day, not one of them has ever met a real Herpetologist. Neither have I.

Other than that kind of fakery, I’m pretty easy going, but you never want to fall asleep around me first. I always take compromising photos. ALWAYS. If you’ve been around me in the last ten years and snoozed, it’s a definite I have time and date stamped pics of you in a way you’d rather not be seen.


My two year phone contract was up a few months ago and I debated on switching carriers but have so many roll over minutes, the idea didn’t seem that attractive. The stalker doesn’t call anymore so I don’t need to go through the hassle of changing my number. I definitely needed a new phone but couldn’t find something I liked that my carrier would upgrade me to, and then they want you another two years along with your left cornea if they do give you a new phone.

I decided both of my corneas deserve to stay where they live and that I wanted an HTC Tilt, which on eBay is fetching anywhere from $150 (straight from the Shelter for Battered Phones) to $300 (new from the back of Ray Ray’s truck in Queens). Craigslist had one for $125 that I inquired about, and as luck would have it, the dude had a few others. One of which was $20 and worked fine outside of the broken screen and it didn’t come with ANYTHING. I snagged it and ordered a replacement screen off of eBay for $29 and a battery and chargers for $10. I did some research and did the screen myself and it’s awesome.

The screen is nearly Iphone size and all the blackmail photos I took uploaded so nicely to it. It’s like a portable relationship killer because if someone pisses me off, I might show their friends (or worse) them naked or with someone they weren’t supposed to be with. It’s against the law to email such things, but I can have whatever I want on my phone for some “show and tell” when I’m out. Great time biter when in line for the ladies room.


Best to stay on my good side as we all have to sleep sometime =)

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Look out! Cause I'm just too fake for the world
I know it's just a game to me, I'm just too fake you see
I wish i didn't have to be but watch out
I got too much soul for the world
and it's breaking my heart in two
I got too much soul for you
I don't like it but it's trueToo Fake - Hockey

I got Facebook and last went on it in December I think, so twice I‘ve used it. I don’t care for it at all but see the constant array of friend requests coming into my Gmail, most of which have names that sound like they belong on the ever so popular “US No Fly” list. However, I will have to break with tradition and go on this week at some point as an old band mate’s name has recently parked in my inbox.

He was a great drummer and in our late teens he brought this guy in to play guitar for us that I wasn’t too keen on as he had a drug history. I was assured he was “clean”, but I was young and naive. It’s one thing when it’s pot or LSD experimentation, but when someone regularly uses heroin at any point in their lives, you should NEVER EVER (Simon Cowell ego size EVER) trust them.

I’ll never forget our last practice in a storage unit place all the bands rehearsed in off of Skipper Road in Tampa. We were mostly surrounded by death metal bands, but the dude next door to us was a lone drummer that busted skins 8 hours a day whilst secretly tending to the most well cared for hydroponic pot plants behind a fake wall he built into his space. Robby. If he’s not in jail, I bet he’s still there banging out a Rush song (ick). If not, I bet you can still smell that Christmas tree WEED smell when you walk by, heh.

Jon (no “H” which is ironic to say the least) was the guitarist’s name and he was talented but bossy. Most drug freaks are controlling and he was no exception. We packed up early as we had to be at a photo shoot for the band at 8 AM. The photographer was hard to come by and he wanted “natural” light, but it was also hotter than Satan’s balls during our normal wake stays so we had to comply with this early appointment. Had I known it was going to be the last time I’d see our PA system, I would’ve bid it farewell, but alas there were no final exchanges between us.

Jon basically left in our succession of cars and then doubled back and took all that he could sell, right down to foot pedals and even piddly drum sticks. We had no idea till his fake ass didn’t show up at yikes o’clock the next morning for pics. It was bad enough to be left and robbed, but embarrassed in front of the hot photographer dude just enhanced the event to a level that I’ll vividly remember when I’m beating people senseless with a cane in my silver years (I don‘t do gold, that‘s just tacky).

You’d think that would’ve been enough, but I got conned again by a heroin addict the next year. My best friend had just passed away from Leukemia and I received a handwritten letter from a former roommate that I had in DC saying she too, had gotten cancer and had no money for meds. She moved to San Francisco and pleaded with me to wire her some cash. Drowning in grief, I couldn’t bear the thought of another friend dying and quickly wired her a hundred bucks only to receive a call the next day from her sister telling me she got fleeced for 3 grand and to “Watch out for Karen, she’s on the horse”.

That bitch’s birthday is this week now that I think of it. I hope she’s dead.