Sunday, July 20, 2008

Guess Who Digs Me? June 23, 2008

According to Myspace, Jesus Christ has a crush on me. Would someone please tell him I'm not into guys with beards? (Unless they're named Brian Thomas and went to NYU film school. The one that got away - he made me laugh. A lot.) And that shroud thingy; a little high waisted don't you think? They do make low rise shrouds these days, geeeeeeze Jesus, get with it!

Can you imagine dating Jesus Christ? Holy shit (literally), you'd never win a fight cuz he'd be all martyring and victimy, and he'd get blood on everything with those stigmatas. Who's gonna clean that shit up? Pas Moi! I can tell you right now that I would be talking through clenched teeth all the time about the differences in musical taste. I hates Christian rock (yes "hates", as in Yosemite Sam types of hatin'), and just the very thought of it makes me do the backwards hiss thing one does when one witnesses an epic fingernail break (the kind that involves the bending back first, then the rip to the nail bed, blood, and an endless run of expletives).

You notice that most Christian rock is Metal? I wonder if that's why beards and long hair are so prevalent in that world. I also wonder if Jesus' stig's count as the first body piercing, and is that what awaits us in the near fashionable future? Stig piercing?

Regardless, I think it's tacky of Jesus to be taking out ads on Myspace, claiming his love for me, when we haven't even kissed. Too smothering for my taste.

Myspace is insane. They try to customize the ads from your profile info, as you can see in the "sponsored links" below your inbox message area. Apparently, being single and agnostic has generated the computer to digitally insult my intelligence. I don't need any suggestions when it comes to shopping for beliefs, thanks so much, I can pick em out all by my lonesome.

In my "Who You'd Like to Meet" section, I put a "Giant Panda", so I get bombarded with ads for Panda singles chat groups, Panda anti-virus programs, and "Panda Ringtones". I haven't a clue what a Panda sounds like, but I'm reasonably sure it wouldn't suit my cellular needs.

Were I to have a proclivity for "Barely Legal Rocker Boys" and put that instead of "Panda", I wonder what the computer would surmise of that? Would I be showered with invitations to join NAMBLA? (Or NAWBLA since I'm a chick…is there? Oh wait no I think that's some sort of Teacher's association.)

I've seen worse on other sites, particularly one where I googled advice on my slightly underweight cat. I was deeply concerned for my furry snookiecookie-puss and the site popped up "dying cat ringtones". WTF? Is there a market for such a thing? I don't even want to participate in gaining the insight on that one. Right below it was some sort of feedback you could fill in for the "ad", if you can call it that. Oh yeah, I filled it out. My cat told me what to put, and it's much too controversial to repeat here. Suffice it to say, we got our point across.

I'd be curious to know if the people that are marked as "in a relationship" or "married" get a different barrage of ads. Well, maybe I wouldn't. =)


Some of you may think that this post ensures my ticket to Hell.

What makes you think we aren't already there?

Currently listening :
Nine in the Afternoon
Release date: 2008-06-17

Let U Entertain Me June 22, 2008

"I wanna be adored." I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses

I was thinking of this song a few days ago, particularly the lyrics (there are very few in it) as like everyone else with a pulse, I want to be adored. Unfortunately, it's conditional. I would like to adore the person that adores me too (don't ya hate the fine print?).

Yesterday my friend called, and he brought up the same song explaining his current relationship. He's getting adored but it's not 100% mutual, and he couldn't figure out why, but I could.

People get together for a thousand different reasons (alcohol being the main one), but they stay together if they find each other amusing or entertaining. When that stops, you're done. Sometimes it never starts because you only got together out of physical admiration of each other, and then there are some that do amuse each other, but have no physical chemistry.

When you are an entertaining type of person, whether it be a musician, comedian, writer, or just plain fun to be around, you can get lost in the adoration from someone and not realize that that is all you are getting from them - they adore you, but that isn't the same as entertaining you. My friend is a musician, and he totally got what I was saying. He makes her laugh, but it's a one way street.

I practically constructed that street, as I've met so many wonderful and nice guys, but…yeah, no laughs (like this blog). I don't expect Bill Hicks (can't he's dead) or Dave Chappelle, but I do expect some degree of charm and humor. I gave up on it for a long time, but it is out there, I've seen it. I've met it; hell I've dated it. Sadly, the ones I find amusing either don't see me in the same light or else they know they're awesome and feel that many could benefit from their exposure. I date one at a time and I prefer that "one" to adhere to the same type of philosophy.

I've always been the entertainment in my relationships, making the decisions, coming up with things to do, and then I got sick of it. Last year I made a conscious effort to back off. Instead of absorbing people into my "thing", I wanted to see what they would come up with. I wanted things to be different, since what I was doing obviously wasn't working, but this didn't either and by January of this year, I was back to square one.

Drinking can give the false illusion that others are more amusing than is true, so I didn't drink for a very long time. I still don't much, but will be doing so on Thursday (dancey dance).

If nothing else, I'll make myself laugh.

Currently listening :
The Stone Roses
By The Stone Roses
Release date: 1990-10-25