Brain's Addiction

“You know it hurts so bad just like I knew that it would
But I'd do it again, do it again if I could”
No One Sleeps When I’m Awake - The Sounds

Remember the movie “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind” where they could effectively remove someone from your memory? Wouldn’t that be awesome? I’d do it, given the opportunity, but wonder if Pheromones would screw it up? I mean, if you’re physically enslaved to someone by these types of hormones, wouldn’t it bi-pass memory? I think there should be a mechanism installed into our brains that prevents us from being attracted to people that won’t be attracted to us. That would be truly entertaining, if for nothing else, at least to see what Hugh Hefner and other creepy, rich, old dudes can really scare up.

I was contacted over the holiday weekend by someone in love with the guy I was seeing six months ago, who unfortunately, still has it bad for me and keeps sending this fucking drama my way. I’ve expressed my lack of interest in being friends with the X and he’s even seen me with someone else, but he still can‘t let go. It’s not logical at all, but it makes sense if it’s hormonal. I sort of empathize as I know I’m vulnerable to a person that I cannot explain why, but would sleep with even though he’s a dirt bag and hates me. I want to hate him, and I’m sure I do somewhere (in my elbows for sure I hate him), but I also know if he came on to me, I wouldn’t be able to resist. It’s the Pheromones; has to be because I don’t look at this person any way but sexually. I don’t think I could ever be friends with him, but then I think it’s hard for people to go back to that once they see each other a certain way maybe?

I know that women can only be friends with their male X’s if it’s THEIR decision to break it off. If the guy is the one who no longer desires her, it’s too painful to the ego to be friends. If you want to break up with a chick and want to keep it peaceful, it has to be her decision to part ways. If we have sex with you, until we decide we’re done, we aren’t done. Them’s the rules unless otherwise discussed pre-erection. We’re sexualized in a way that men can’t be (nor ever understand) so if we can’t be the “deciders”, we want you dead. That’s our nature. Best to find a subtle way to turn us off or suffer the consequences, trust me. If a woman says they aren’t like this, you’re either paying them, or they’re lying.

The following are what scares me off quicker than telling me you’re a Republican or you “just found Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior”: talk of marriage, talk of kids, calling me constantly, calling me constantly with nothing to say, non stop yapping about yourself, chewing loudly with your mouth open, super jealousy, being hypercritical, getting lazy in bed (unless your hands have been blown off in active duty or some other heroic measure, they had better be all over me NOT behind your head), talking about other chicks THAT way (in bed is an automatic death sentence), drug use, mother haters, animal haters (if you‘ve ever killed any mammal on purpose without the reason of self defense, EW and please stay away from me), racism, sexism, your profound love of Country Music, wearing tighty whiteys, bad manners, bad spellers, and severe, constant mispronunciation.

Some of that stuff would make me hate, so if the aim was to end things as friends, subtlety is the way to go.

The smothering is the hardest thing for me to take. Women like to feel desired, and once I’ve gotten intimate with someone, I like to have that continue but without the smother. "Smothering" and "positively attentive" can be just a difference in wording. For example, a great text to get the day after a GREAT night would be “Oy girl, I can’t walk. AWESOME! When you going to break me again?” not “I miss you” followed by three phone calls to see “what‘s up?” You can’t be all sappy like that until it’s a LOVE thing (even then, one phone call is enough). No one waits till they're in love to have sex (that I’m aware of), but no one wants to hear NOTHING after they’ve parked naked on you for any given amount of time either. It’s not smothering to contact someone; it’s HOW you do it and HOW OFTEN. I like to feel sought after but not depended on. If someone doesn’t contact me the next day, I feel bad, every girl does. They've just risked pregnancy or death with you, how else are they going to feel? Again, if a female says she isn’t like this, you’re either paying her, or she’s lying.

Pheromones. Fair? Not even slightly. Moans? If you’re lucky. Lobotomy? Soon!