Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Arm’s Length

"If I'm to fall, would you be there to applaud?" I'm Outta Time - Oasis

I just finished watching the film "Boy A", a British film based on the 2004 book of the same name. The story is set in Manchester, England so I thought it only fitting to quote one of the more recent songs to emerge from the city that gave us The Stone Roses, Joy Division, New Order, and The Chameleons UK.

I'm pretty sure the song might be about falling in love, but that's not what I thought of upon first listen. Aside from the fact that it rips off "Wish You Were Here", my favorite Pink Floyd tune (it wouldn't be Oasis if they didn't "borrow" from someone else now would it?), I immediately thought of someone that I used to think was my friend that would salivate at the thought of my "falling"/failing. I was too stupid and naïve to see it at first, but it sunk in eventually. You couldn't get away from this person unless it was their choice (or they thought it was), and even when you thought you were done, you weren't (insert bad Pacino impression, but with conviction, here).

I finally severed things and had a few good years to myself (don't think I got out without scars either), but like the idiot that I am, I forgave and let the person back "in" somewhat when they contacted me again. Stuuuuupid. A person shows you who they are when you first meet them, if you let them jerk you around, it's your own fault.

Forgiveness is tricky isn't it?

The movie "Boy A" is about this guy is in his early 20's and just out of prison for a crime he committed as a 12 year old. He seems like a nice guy that was properly rehabilitated, and the director introduces you to him in more or less the same view his new environment gets of him. From 12 to 23, there is a big difference, and I do believe you can change, but I think around 15, there are certain things about certain people that will never change. This guy did reform, and they show you in flashbacks from whence he came, but it's the two plot lines of un-forgiveness that shape the ending. The best of intentions always come at a price, it seems.

I stupidly forgive, more often than I should. You just want peace, but these emotional vampires want PIECES. You want so badly to remember the awesome times, because they were some of the best moments of your existence, but the sting you get in the back of your knee whilst unsuspectingly reminiscing, is more painful each time because you should've known it was coming. You warned yourself, and you didn't listen.

This person was a witness to my history, but the pain of being estranged is a pinch compared to the stab that closeness inevitably brings.

______________________________________________________________________

Sometimes, I think I'm allergic to people. They make my soul itch and my eyes tear up.

EpiPen?


Currently listening :
Dig Out Your Soul
By Oasis
Release date: 2008-10-07

4 comments:

mickey said...

wow, i just went through this feeling saturday. i can relate bigtime. people treat you exactly how they feel about you despite their words saying something else. if someone treats you like shit, they really think you are a piece of shit to kick around. some never get this.

Vesper de Vil said...

I think it's healthy to forgive. If you hold onto things, it lingers in your body. That said, it doesn't mean you should let in people who hurt you. You can forgive them, but still keep them safely out of your life.

Andrew said...

For some reason i missed this post when you firsy put it up. It's really quite beautiful, i'm very impressed.

She Likes It Loud said...

M - Yeah I don't treat people like this, yet....

V - That's why I said it was tricky. I've watched that episode of Oprah, but still don't know if I put it into practice the right way. I "let go" for me, but don't know if that is FORGIVING.

A - Thanks dollface. Considering the source, I must say I feel honored.