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"Someone else is gonna come and clean it up
Born and raised for the job
Someone always does
I wish you'd get up get over
get up, get over and turn your tape off" A Wolf At The Door - Radiohead
The state of Illinois called me today. Seems they heard my birthday was on the horizon and they were feeling really givvy give and want to bestow upon me the title of "Governor" as a gifty if I'm up for it.
As you have probably seen in recent days, the seated Governor (who resembles a 1970's version of Roman Polanski meets a used car salesman) was on the take, and he and his creepy, half-feathered hair have been more than tardly flamboyant about it.
It seems that since my last name is just as fucked up as his for the public to pronounce, it put me up for consideration to replace him. I have no criminal record, and when they tapped my phones all they heard was the national anthem done in pig Latin accompanied by bongos, so they figure I'm their best bet to lead the hub of the Midwest for the next few years (or at least till I'm caught with the lead singer of The Academy Is behind a McDonalds with my left hand violating the open container law and my right hand redecorating the inside of his low riders - power does strange things to me).
I was one breath away from flabbergasted as I've never even lived in Illinois. One school trip and a layover at O'Hare airport is really all the time I've put in there. I also can't fathom that they'd appoint someone who isn't a Christian, but hey, if Oprah will have me, I'm there.
I don't even know much about the state of Illinois. I know John Cusack lives there, so maybe I can force him to accompany me to my inauguration. Wilco, The Smashing Pumpkins, Fall Out Boy, and Plain White T's hail from there so it's not desolate as far as music goes. I guess I could make it my domain.
I've never fancied myself a public official and really don't think I'll get much done, but I suppose standing still is better than moving backwards these days.
I wonder if I'll get to pardon people. I would abuse that a little with prank calls to executions. They'll be strapped in, sweaty eyeballs on the NEEDLE, and everything will come to a halt when they see the phone light up. Could it be? The governor is really stepping in to pardon this guy for killing six women just because they wore red?
Nope. She just called to say "Psyche!"
Currently listening :
Hail to the Thief
By Radiohead
Release date: 2003-06-10
I used to care about politics but now ambivalence has saturated my views to the point that I'd rather witness my own autopsy than even think about the presidential race this year.
Once in a while I call up my old aunt on my dad's side, which is Ojibwe, as we have two governments to yak about (American and American Indian). Our tribal shit is just as corrupt as the regular American government only on a smaller scale.
Anyways, I once asked her "Can you imagine actually really liking our president? Can you imagine ever having someone in office that you really back and believe in and you can't wait to hear them speak? Can you imagine trusting and respecting the elected officials in any capacity?" She was laughing so hard that she couldn't even gasp the air needed to negate the query posed to her.
Mistrust in those who sit in or run for office is just expected now. We can't imagine it any other way, nor do we even bother to try it seems.
I can't say I look at any of the candidates and feel anything. I'm an independent voter but I registered as a Democrat when I moved to Florida so that I could have my say in who facilitates the next train wreck '08.
Whoever takes the nod for the Dems is going to lose to either Mit "Magic Underpants" Romney, McCain (who is old and will die in office if elected), or Rudy "911" G. As a former New Yorker I can honestly say that before 911, everyone HATED Rudy that lived there. Any putz in office would've done what he did in 2001 so if people vote based on the fact that his bad comb-over just happened to be at the right place at the right time, eh I can't even get my hackles up enough to finish that sentence.
Today when I go to the precinct to play virtual voting (by the way my tribe purchased electronic voting machines in '03 and within two days found 10 different ways to hack into them. We went straight back to paper before you could say "Ohio"), I guess it's down to 3 candidates.
I feel nothing for Clinton. As a female, part of me wants to go there for a lark but alas I can't bring it for her. Edwards should've been the candidate last time, but now his star is too dim to be taken seriously and he has the charisma of a run-on sentence.
Obama.
It would be great PR for the U.S. if he's elected because of his name alone, but because of his name, he can't possibly get elected - voters are that superficial and paranoid of anything remotely close to sounding like "Osama" as you well know.
I respect the guy and when he speaks, my skin doesn't crawl. Experience? Fuck it! That monkey in office now is about as capable as Kid Rock (Sorry Kid) so that isn't an issue in my line of thinking. Obama's too idealistic to get anything done, more than likely, but I'm idealistic too.
Ron Paul should run as an independent, but that will still ensure the Republicans get the catbird seat again so it's frivolous to even muse over.
At this point we are all going through the motions without any real hopes or expectations so it's easy to see why people don't even bother with this vapid process to begin with.
Currently listening : Goo By Sonic Youth Release date: 15 June, 1990
