"Things are shaping up to be pretty odd Little deaths in musical beds So it seems I'm someone I've never met" That Green Gentleman - Panic at the Disco
Last night when I was on my way home, the exit I needed was closed and I got lost for a bit. I usually have an impressive sense of direction, and I wasn't drunk, but I got all turned around just from one glitch in the itinerary.
I didn't have to inquire of myself as to HOW I got where I was, as that was obvious. In this case, it was just a matter of resolution.
My mishap added another ½ hour to my ride, and I was thinking about some weird shit in my life and wondering the origins of said shit. How did it come to this?
Then I thought "Eh fuck that analytical nonsense! Thinking about that stuff is probably why I got lost in the first place!"
I really missed New York at that moment. I mean, I love driving, but I sort of missed being able to get pissed out of my gore and then carted home by either train or cab.
I REALLY missed being able to annoy the shit out of the Sikh cab drivers that totally hate women too. I got one to laugh once, which is a feat, since showing any facial expression at all is probably against their belief system. I'm normally quiet in the cab, but these people fascinate me, and the act of annoying sexist ass holes is a far more interesting hobby than scrap booking, wouldn't ya say?
Once I got into the cab and gave the destination, I started asking him questions like "Hey do you like The Clash?" - NO! (A Soup Nazi from Seinfeld kind of NO.)
"How about Pavement?" - NO!
"Kula Shaker? My Bloody Valentine? Echo and the Bunnymen?" - NO! NO! NO!
I'd go through a list of 20 or so bands, getting the same response every time; neither of us changing tone or inflection. It almost felt scripted, like a flat scene from a Jarmusch flick with a hint of Bugs Bunny.
I then leaned towards the malodorous front half of the cab and bellowed oh so obnoxiously, "CUNTTTTTTTTTTTT tree music! That's your thing isn't it? Five bucks says you have some ass-less chaps on under whatever that thingy is you're wearing! You're one of those line dancing fuckers aren't you? YOU are a TURBAN COWBOY!!"
Then I quickly sang this made up twang: "Turban Cowboy, I swear that was his name. He drives a cab in Brooklyn, goes line dancing when he can. He says he's got a woman who sings them country songs, and when he gets his green card he gonna move to a Honky Tonk! YeeeeeeHawwwwww!"
He absolutely lost his shit.
I couldn't have timed it better as my building was in sight. Still giggling, he refused my money and waved me out of the cab saying "You are a VERY crazy."
To which I replied, "Yes, I are."
Currently listening : Coming To Terms By Carolina Liar Release date: 2008-05-20
"Up in my lonely room when I'm dreaming of you. Oh what can I do? I still need you, but I don't want you now." *
I can't f*ckin' sleep lately. Well, I can from like 7am-3pm, but I prefer the 4-noon shift. When I do sleep, the dreams are very annoying. It's bad enough that certain people have to taint your waking life, but when they chase you down into slumber land, oy, that blows.
My first night in New Mexico I dreamt of someone I so didn't want to, it's like my own subconscious despises me. Maybe I have an autoimmune brain, that might account for all the crazy (gotta blame something right?).
"When I'm down and my hands are tied, I cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line. From this pain I just can't disguise. It's gonna hurt but I'll have to say goodbye" *
I think it's harder to sleep when you don't like to be alone with your thoughts. Music, TV, books, and other people can be miraculous distractions from our worst enemy - ourselves.
"Up in my lonely room when I'm dreaming of you. Oh what can I do? I still need you, but I don't want you now." *
I can kill the lights and stranglehold my pillows, but the thoughts just keep ruminating, sticking a violent elbow into that divide between awake and out cold (or "out hot" for my reptilian readers - my fan base is about 20% lizards and 7% smiling gators).
Last night, the song quoted above (in addition to thoughts of barely legal, rocker boys) was bouncing around my grey matter for whatever reason, fueling my insomnia. The song's about 5 years old, but never loses its flavor with me. It blatantly rips off "My World is Empty without You" by the Supremes, but that doesn't piss me off for some reason. I have an exceptional ear for picking out who rips off what, but to my chagrin, it's not even a somewhat lucrative skill. Along with it, I also have some sort of Tourette's related problem causing me to tell people who they steal from, which is not always welcome information. It's bought me a few enemies, but some people surprisingly respect my awkward bullets of truth (my aim is rather low so it shouldn't hurt THAT bad).
"Two Ways Out" by Darker My Love rips off Supergrass' "Alright". My precious Radiohead has ripped off a few songs by The Hollies, Beethoven, and even something from the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar", (those thieving bastards!), but it's allowed. Monsieur McCartney certainly borrowed from Procol Harum when he wrote "Let it Be" (the chords in "Salad Days", which has the best line, "Your skin crawls up an octave"). The list of leeches could go on forever, or at least until you fall asleep.
Ok, back to the manorexic rocker boys in those tight fitting, low rise jeans…no rest for the wicked. =)
* Dreaming of You - The Coral
Currently listening : The Coral By The Coral Release date: 2003-03-04
According to Myspace, Jesus Christ has a crush on me. Would someone please tell him I'm not into guys with beards? (Unless they're named Brian Thomas and went to NYU film school. The one that got away - he made me laugh. A lot.) And that shroud thingy; a little high waisted don't you think? They do make low rise shrouds these days, geeeeeeze Jesus, get with it!
Can you imagine dating Jesus Christ? Holy shit (literally), you'd never win a fight cuz he'd be all martyring and victimy, and he'd get blood on everything with those stigmatas. Who's gonna clean that shit up? Pas Moi! I can tell you right now that I would be talking through clenched teeth all the time about the differences in musical taste. I hates Christian rock (yes "hates", as in Yosemite Sam types of hatin'), and just the very thought of it makes me do the backwards hiss thing one does when one witnesses an epic fingernail break (the kind that involves the bending back first, then the rip to the nail bed, blood, and an endless run of expletives).
You notice that most Christian rock is Metal? I wonder if that's why beards and long hair are so prevalent in that world. I also wonder if Jesus' stig's count as the first body piercing, and is that what awaits us in the near fashionable future? Stig piercing?
Regardless, I think it's tacky of Jesus to be taking out ads on Myspace, claiming his love for me, when we haven't even kissed. Too smothering for my taste.
Myspace is insane. They try to customize the ads from your profile info, as you can see in the "sponsored links" below your inbox message area. Apparently, being single and agnostic has generated the computer to digitally insult my intelligence. I don't need any suggestions when it comes to shopping for beliefs, thanks so much, I can pick em out all by my lonesome.
In my "Who You'd Like to Meet" section, I put a "Giant Panda", so I get bombarded with ads for Panda singles chat groups, Panda anti-virus programs, and "Panda Ringtones". I haven't a clue what a Panda sounds like, but I'm reasonably sure it wouldn't suit my cellular needs.
Were I to have a proclivity for "Barely Legal Rocker Boys" and put that instead of "Panda", I wonder what the computer would surmise of that? Would I be showered with invitations to join NAMBLA? (Or NAWBLA since I'm a chick…is there? Oh wait no I think that's some sort of Teacher's association.)
I've seen worse on other sites, particularly one where I googled advice on my slightly underweight cat. I was deeply concerned for my furry snookiecookie-puss and the site popped up "dying cat ringtones". WTF? Is there a market for such a thing? I don't even want to participate in gaining the insight on that one. Right below it was some sort of feedback you could fill in for the "ad", if you can call it that. Oh yeah, I filled it out. My cat told me what to put, and it's much too controversial to repeat here. Suffice it to say, we got our point across.
I'd be curious to know if the people that are marked as "in a relationship" or "married" get a different barrage of ads. Well, maybe I wouldn't. =)
"I wanna be adored." I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses
I was thinking of this song a few days ago, particularly the lyrics (there are very few in it) as like everyone else with a pulse, I want to be adored. Unfortunately, it's conditional. I would like to adore the person that adores me too (don't ya hate the fine print?).
Yesterday my friend called, and he brought up the same song explaining his current relationship. He's getting adored but it's not 100% mutual, and he couldn't figure out why, but I could.
People get together for a thousand different reasons (alcohol being the main one), but they stay together if they find each other amusing or entertaining. When that stops, you're done. Sometimes it never starts because you only got together out of physical admiration of each other, and then there are some that do amuse each other, but have no physical chemistry.
When you are an entertaining type of person, whether it be a musician, comedian, writer, or just plain fun to be around, you can get lost in the adoration from someone and not realize that that is all you are getting from them - they adore you, but that isn't the same as entertaining you. My friend is a musician, and he totally got what I was saying. He makes her laugh, but it's a one way street.
I practically constructed that street, as I've met so many wonderful and nice guys, but…yeah, no laughs (like this blog). I don't expect Bill Hicks (can't he's dead) or Dave Chappelle, but I do expect some degree of charm and humor. I gave up on it for a long time, but it is out there, I've seen it. I've met it; hell I've dated it. Sadly, the ones I find amusing either don't see me in the same light or else they know they're awesome and feel that many could benefit from their exposure. I date one at a time and I prefer that "one" to adhere to the same type of philosophy.
I've always been the entertainment in my relationships, making the decisions, coming up with things to do, and then I got sick of it. Last year I made a conscious effort to back off. Instead of absorbing people into my "thing", I wanted to see what they would come up with. I wanted things to be different, since what I was doing obviously wasn't working, but this didn't either and by January of this year, I was back to square one.
Drinking can give the false illusion that others are more amusing than is true, so I didn't drink for a very long time. I still don't much, but will be doing so on Thursday (dancey dance).
If nothing else, I'll make myself laugh.
Currently listening : The Stone Roses By The Stone Roses Release date: 1990-10-25
I was just having a chat with my friend Candy about Marlon Brando in that scene in "Last Tango in Paris" where he's shoving butter up that woman's ass.
Who thought that one up? Is/was this a common thing, butter-packing? Do you think it inspired others to squish some "Land O' Lakes" between the cakes?
Imagine the director, Bertolucci, telling Brando "Ok, the butter…you put uppa her ass, no?"
I do wonder how one mentally prepares for a day of filming that requires a straight face while implementing a stick of butter into someone else's rectal area. Or for that matter, being on the receiving end of the dairy product. Was there like 20 takes with a big cooler of fresh butter from craft services at hand? Can you tell the difference if they use margarine instead?
Think of the conversations between the stand-ins while the lighting is being tested for this shot, or better yet, imagine the actress, after the scene, deciding the best route of removal. Let it melt or is it latex glove snapping time?
Were there other items that Bertolucci first opted for butt plugging, but found they didn't suit the scene? What was the deciding factor that butter was the clincher?
I used to play with this drummer who let me have a go on his kit whenever we took a break at practice, that is, until he told me his girlfriend would shove his drumsticks up his ass whenever they had sex. I can still hear the clicking sounds of the sticks when they fell from my very sorry hands to the unsuspecting floor below (that floor never did forgive me). I scrubbed like a surgeon about to crack open a lawyer after that tidbit of information (there is a limit to how well informed I want to be). It certainly gave new meaning to the term "rim shot", if nothing else.
I guess I'm boring vanilla, since I'm pretty much an "exit only" person when it comes to the workings of my butt, though I don't begrudge those that get hopped up on the old "reach around", I guess. Your thing is your thing.
How does one broach the subject these days? Especially if butter is the insertion of choice. Do you just stop off at the fridge on the way to the bedroom, point and raise your eyebrows? Or do you discuss it beforehand, over dinner when the bread arrives?
Currently listening : I Should Coco By Supergrass Release date: 1995-07-18
Today I was buzzing through the internet looking up something about the song "This Will Be Our Year" by The Zombies, when I found that the band OK Go did a cover of it (of course it's on my playlist now).
I was late to the party when it came to OK Go, but when I arrived, hot damn it rocked! I think I first saw Damian Kulash on The Daily Show of all places, and believe me, if I have a type, he is so it. He's the lead singer/guitarist for OK Go and even though I found him highly lickable, I wasn't about that song with the treadmills. That was all I had seen at the time and I didn't pursue it further until one of my best buds, Bonnie, schooled me on their finer points.
Sweet chocolate Christ, I can't believe it's been 3 years since "Oh No" was released. It's OK Go's second album and I would marry it if I could (please don't tell Pat Robertson as I'm sure there's something in the Bible that claims this act is cause for one sort of damnation or another and we don't want to open that can of blue suits now do we?). This album is just that - an ALBUM. Most efforts out there nowadays are a collection of songs, but this is a work in totality. The songs that are not portrayed in treadmill videos show the smokier side of Kulash's vocals, and the warmth in some of the recordings…you can almost smell the wood in the studio (not that kind of wood, geeze).
Upon first listening of "A Million Ways", I definitely felt a Franz Ferdinand vibe and thanks to Google, I knew why in a matter of seconds. Tore Johannson of Sweden produced "Oh No" and FF's self titled debut. You're a big fucking deal if your production leaves that much of a mark, so Tore is now in my mental producer rolodex hanging with the likes of John Leckie, Alan Moulder (heavy hitters in the 90's), and of course George Martin, aka the 5th Beatle.
I could definitely tell that OK Go was heavily influenced by The Zombies, who are one of my all time favorite bands. I would even go so far as to say that Colin Blunstone possesses the most beautiful voice that ever slipped across my ears. All of their recordings were done before I was sent down to this planet (or up, I really can't remember), but to me, "Odessey and the Oracle" is one of the best pieces ever made. And, yes, "Odessey" is spelled like that on the jacket. It was a 1967 misprint, but they ran with it.
There isn't enough digital space for all the great things I have to say about The Zombies and that album, but they did reunite for a US tour this July, and if you're lucky enough to be near one of the venues DO NOT miss it. I've seen Blunstone on his own, and my mouth was on the floor during the entire performance, I can't even imagine…well if you get good tickets, let me know. If Southwest flies to that area, I'm there. Same goes if you get good Radiohead tickets too! My neighbor works for Southwest. I watch his cats when he travels, he gives me tickets =)
Ok, so Kulash isn't quite Colin Blunstone, but close enough. On "Lately, It's so Quiet" the swoon meter busts out on top. That silky voice with those slightly dirty chords completely does it for me.
"Maybe, This Time" is probably my favorite. I can hear a Les Paul in there, and the simplicity and spacing of each part is nothing short of captivating. It reminds me of some 80's song that I can't quite recall, but someday when I'm overmedicated and bitching about social security (or the lack thereof), I'm sure it will come to me. Probably won't be able to hear by then, yeesh. (If you know me at that point, please help me load the gun.)
I've never seen OK Go live, but that's definitely on my "to do" list for this lifetime. You should see the list for my next life. =]
Currently listening : Oh No By OK Go Release date: 2005-08-30
