Fear Factor

"Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling." Fearless - Pink Floyd

When people ask me what my greatest fear is, I almost always reply "My greatest fear is someone else finding out what my greatest fear is."

FEAR is the real "F" word.

It's not a very tasty trait, fearfulness, and I think it's why a lot of people don't like cats as cats are about a 9 on the skittish scale on a relaxed day. I'm fluent in Skittish so I like cats, but I can't stand how small dogs are scared of everything (especially of losing their crotch, you ever notice how they check between their legs every five minutes to make sure no one stole it?); I prefer big dogs.

People LOVE fear. We are so intimate with fear, we crave it. We like to be scared. Some of us get off on it. Some of us do stupid shit just so we can feel even more fear.

Some of us know that FEAR is a tool, and we use it to lord over someone else. Instilling it gives you power and control over someone or some many.

We all can smell fear on someone else, and some of us can't resist the urge to attack the source of the fear, it's our nature. Some of us do rise above it and reach for compassion instead, but it's a meager few.

The fears I've heard discussed during this election season are far scarier than anything Halloween related or horror film worthy. I don't mind if people discuss what they like about who they support, but when the fear and negativity appear, drag city.

It's made some otherwise attractive people very unappealing. Fear is impressionable, but it's ugly. I think if you're fearful, you attract things in your life to be fearful about.

Like having a tracker on my Myspace was out of fear, because I got messed with by some whackos (mostly of the jealous female kind - jealousy springs from FEAR), and having the damn thing got me into all kinds of trouble. The paranoia cost me a friend or two. FEAR attracts some bad Juju, so I removed the tracker and put my space back to public. Whatever happens, I'm confident I can handle it. What I don't know won't bother me.

I've always feared lies and lying, and I'm trying to get over it because I think there are some things you should lie about depending on where you live. If you live in the United States, for instance, you should definitely lie if you are agnostic or an atheist. You're life will just be easier if you do. Even Oprah looks down on "unbelievers", and you can never run for office if you don't claim Christianity (lip service goes a long way when fear is paying for the tickets).

It feels unnatural, like I would imagine a gay person trying to be hetero would feel, but I wish I had stayed in the closet. I'm not outspoken but some of my family hates me for it, and my half brother tried to kill me once a few Christmas's ago. I wonder if Jesus was impressed by his multi-tasking talent of being able to strangle me, bash my head into the wall, and repeatedly scream "Atheist" all at the same time. Somehow I just can't picture the bearded one giving a thumbs up to that way of celebrating his bday (all of my besties are Christians and they don't ever party that way).

Fear is hideous, but it's the devil we know.

I think fear will win, but I'm not afraid to be wrong about that.


Currently listening :
Meddle
By Pink Floyd