Monday, March 16, 2009

Yoga Yo?

On Tuesday she used to do yoga while I'd sit and watch the box
in a vegetable way, but always ready to say
to myself that I was an artist implying that she was not
On Tuesdays She Used To Do Yoga - Peter Hammill

I haven’t been doing my yoga lately as I’ve just been caught up in other aspects of life, but I know I need to get back into a “routine” as it were. I usually just do a small bit of it and then hit my tread mill, but in search of a more extensive workout, I turned to my television.

My setup includes about 700,000 channels, an Italian dwarf named “Et Cetera” that mans the remote for me, and a search engine where you can watch something “on demand”. Oooh I so love to DEMAND things and within seconds of Et C. typing in “yoga”, a list longer than my attention span filled the 42 inch screen before me.

There was the usual spiritual stuff like “Namaste Yoga”, cutesy shit like “Yoga Bear”, an episode of “Jackass” where Knoxville unleashes heinous amounts of gas in a yoga class, and then further down the list, what I used to know as this meditation like movement had now reached the point of pornification.

Hot Nude Yoga” - You and your partner enjoy the sensual experience of touch and body contact as you help tone…..blah blah blah do we have to do everything naked now? Something about envisioning the Warrior pose with someone’s junk dangling about sort of blows my image of what I need yoga to be.

I don’t share my yoga mat to begin with, but imagine how unsavory a job it is to clean it after “Yoga Gone Wild”, no matter who touches it.

Naked Happy Yoga Girl” (as opposed to Naked Angry or Sad Yoga Girl?) - Join Naked Happy Girls as we hunt for nudie cuties with some help from Sammy Hagar.

Wow, not like I ever cared about what happened to Sammy Hagar, but you’ve got to wonder how one goes from lead singer of Van Halen to aiding the search for ecstatic, stretching females with a disdain for clothing (or maybe you don’t, though that song “I’ll Fall in Love Again” was pretty good for it’s time).

Last on the list was “All Naughty Home Videos” - Real home videos of 14 porn stars taking milk baths and doing yoga.

Milk baths? Uhhhhhh…. is it organic milk? (See Milk Dud post)

I then DEMANDED Et Cetera type in “Pilates” and crossed my fingers (and my legs).

Currently listening:
Friendly Fires
By Friendly Fires
Release date: 2008-09-23

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