"I'll just nod, I've never been so good at shaking hands
I live on the frozen surface of a fireball" 11th Dimension - Julian Casablancas
Monday, April 19, 2010 at 1:52am
I have no idea why I gave this guy my number a while back, I was bored, drunk, who the fuck knows?
He called this evening and after a quick reminder of who he was, hijacked my ear for seven straight minutes. I zoned out after about two, but then a text came in snapping me to consciousness so I severed into the one sided conversation with an excuse about having to meet a friend in ten minutes. It wasn't a lie, my cat was in the next room mixing martinis. He's one of my dearest friends with a penchant for punctuality that can't be ignored, and a genius when it comes to the libations.
I guess my participation wasn't expected in this phone conversation because he seemed quite taken aback as he asked me to repeat what I had just interjected. I did as he requested with a bit more pinch in my tone, but it went unnoticed as he preceded in asking me if I wanted to get dinner sometime.
I said "Thanks, but no."
He then asked me why I even gave him my number. I said I couldn't recall but that after hearing him on the phone, I had reconsidered.
"After HEARING ME? Wtf does that mean?" he asked.
"Well, from the second you rang, you've been the only one talking and haven't asked a single, fucking thing about me, not even 'How are you?' That shows me you aren't interested in my well being, or anything I have to say. There were no compliments sincere or otherwise in your rhetoric and that's a prerequisite to getting face time with me. If people don't say nice things to me or give a shit about anything I think, my ego can't get mentally or physically hard. If I'm not getting hard, then neither are you. These are the rules I now live by. I'm sorry but you come across as a narcissistic blowhard and I don't want to waste either of our precious minutes do you?"
The exquisite "click" sound of him terminating the call gave me more mental wood than I imagine he ever could.
THANK YOU, STEEL CHINA
10 months ago